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How many honest, intelligent, caring men in the world does it take to do the dishes?
Both of them.'

Why did the man cross the road?
He heard the chicken was a slut.'

Why does it take 1 million sperm to fertilize one egg?
They won't stop to ask directions.'

What do men and sperm have in common?
They both have a one-in-a-million chance of becoming a human being.'

How does a man show that he is planning for the future?
He buys two cases of beer.'

How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
We don't know; it has never happened.'

Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and good looking?
They all already have boyfriends.'

What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?
A widow.'

When do you care for a man's company?
When he owns it.'

What are a woman's four favourite animals?
A mink in the closet, a Jaguar in the garage, a tiger in the bedroom and an ass to pay for it all.'

Why are married women heavier than single women?
Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.'

How did Pinocchio find out he was made of wood?
His hand caught fire.'

How do you get a man to do sit-ups?
Put the remote control between his toes'

What did God say after creating man?
I must be able to do better than that.'

How are men and parking spots alike?
Good ones are always taken. Free ones are mostly handicapped or extremely small.'

 

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I am not the author of these jokes, and do not claim to own any copyright privileges to them. I assume them to be widely available in the public domain, and I do my best not to use copyrighted material.  If you know any good jokes or funny stories etc. and want to share them, then email them to                         submit a joke

If they are not copyrighted, offensive, abusive, or of a discriminatory nature I may use them.

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