1. Psychiatrists say that one
of four people are mentally ill. Check three friends. If they're OK, you're
2. Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. "Yes" is the answer.
3. Nothing in the known universe travels faster than a bad check.
4. A truly wise man never plays leapfrog with a unicorn.
5. It has recently been discovered that research causes cancer in rats.
6. Always remember to pillage BEFORE you burn.
7. If you are given an open-book exam, you will forget your book. If you are
given a take-home test, you will forget where you live.
8. The trouble with doing something right the first time is that nobody
appreciates how difficult it was.
9. It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to
10. Paul's Law: You can't fall off the floor.
11. The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the
average man can see better than he can think.
12. Paranoids are people, too; they have their own problems. It's easy to
criticize, but if everybody hated you, you'd be paranoid, too.
13. A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell and make you feel
happy to be on your way.
14. Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
15. Vital papers will demonstrate their vitality by moving from where you left
them to where you can't find them.
16. Law of Probability Dispersal: Whatever it is that hits the fan will not be
17. A .44 Magnum beats four aces.