1. Phone messages delivered on
end of spear.
2. Your important dictation somehow seems to blah blah blah I am a
3. A copy of the latest bestseller "So, Your Head's Up Your Ass, Now What?"
appears on your desk.
4. When did FTD start doing an "Up Yours" Bouquet?
5. First, a message that Cindy Crawford is on line 2, followed a few seconds
later by Satanic laughter.
6. It's not so much the cold coffee, it's the staples at the bottom of the
7. Your big business dinner at the Four Seasons Restaurant in Manhattan is
rescheduled for Big Jeb's 24-Hour Truck Stop outside of Newark, New Jersey.
8. Nude picture of Marlon Brando pops up in your Powerpoint presentation.
9. Supposedly shredded Whitewater documents turn up in the Washington Post
10. Now answers the phone, "Smith, Jones and Tighta**."
11. That NY-to-LA trip she booked for you now involves six plane changes, a
12-hour layover in Guam and a personal appearance on Ricki Lake's "I'm A
Selfish Pig" episode.
12. Newly-typed organization chart lists your position as "Head Up His Ass."
13. Your computer's mouse has been replaced by an electro-genital shock
14. While admittedly funnier than usual, daily Top 5 list she forwards you
contains 15 identical "You suck!" entries.
15. Expense report you don't recall submitting comes back with denied charges
for "beer & hookers."